let me backtrack. after becoming official, it wasn't long till we exchanged our first kiss, met each other's families, shared our deepest secrets, hopes and dreams, and created countless beautiful memories. i was 15 and he was 18 but we were in love. the purest and most innocent of loves.
prom '03...danced to our song, sade - by your side <3
i doodled his name all over my notebook all day and counted the minutes till our next hallway meet-up. he showered me with thoughtful reminders of his love daily--handmade cards, drawings, notes, sunflowers--i had never experienced this type of kindness and respect from another person, especially not from a boy. he was a rarity for sure.
while we remained in bliss for quite some time, i began to feel unsure about the longevity of our love. we were so young. of course i could see myself marrying him someday, but was i ready for that? to remain with this one person, never experiencing life independently? who was i without andy? was i going to miss out on other experiences? was he?
this all made me feel frightened and overwhelmed. so, i began distancing myself. he could feel it too. i wasn't the same and it didn't feel fair, neither to him nor myself.
after graduating the year before, andy had started classes at the local community college and i often thought his decision to not go away was made because of me. i hated to think i held him back from his dreams. i loved him so much, but i knew we needed time apart. i needed time to grow. he needed time to grow.
when you love someone so much and there is no real truth behind why you need to part ways, it makes breaking up even harder to do. the thought of hurting him hurt me more than i could have imagined. but it's what i thought needed to be done. and when it happened, i couldn't hold back the tears and thoughts of, "did i just make a huge mistake?" i was losing my best friend.
i'm sure you've all been there. you break up with someone and realize, you have to break up with their family too. and their friends. anyone who was theirs, before they became yours. this rang true for my family. every one of my family members loved andy. he had become as much a part of their lives as he was mine. i actually remember my mom crying when it happened. i knew everyone was experiencing the loss--not just me.
but i tried to remind myself that this is what needed to happen. so we spent a few months apart with limited communication. i needed to give him his space and allow him to work through his heartbreak. and i needed to figure out my own emotions.
...the story continues with PART THREE: THE GRASS ISN'T ALWAYS GREENER.
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