Saturday, May 9, 2015
BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
my sweet family and friends threw me a baby shower on january 18 to celebrate our little crosley's impending arrival. my sister ashley and sister-in-law liz took the lead on putting everything together with a little help from my mom, mother-in-law and friends sam and jen. the theme was "baby it's cold outside." everything was so perfect, and the most special way to celebrate our baby boy.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
CROSLEY JAMES: TWO MONTHS
two months: may 5, 2015
with daddy back at work, you and i started to get into our own groove and schedule of life at home together. since you usually wake up for a feeding when it's time for daddy to get ready for the day, daddy and i take that opportunity following your feeding to spend a few minutes "talking" to you. you are quite the chatterbox and a very happy morning baby. you coo, gurgle and smile when we talk to you, it is absolute bliss. your expressions are endless and sometimes you coo so loud that i think you do it just to hear yourself get loud, almost as if you have just discovered you have a voice.
after a morning gab fest, you and i crawl back in bed and snuggle for another few hours before starting the day. i could lay all day with you snuggled on my chest, fast asleep, heavy arms and legs dangling while your one cheek is smushed up against my chest. your lips make this pursed half open look while you sleep. you look so peaceful and like a tiny angel.
once you rise and shine again, we get our day started. you aren't really keen on taking naps during the day as you once were, and you continue to become more alert and inquisitive about your surroundings. for the most part, a few days out of the week are usually filled with errands or appointments. we try to get out of the house as often as possible, but not too much, because you can have car ride meltdowns that make driving alone nearly impossible. one reason i finally caved and allowed you to try soothing yourself with a pacifier, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. you're still working on the whole thumb sucking thing and usually only do that when you're hungry, but it's more of a fist sucking than a thumb sucking!
we also introduced a bottle for the first time, despite my anxiety with the introduction. we started out using tommie tippie bottles with the slowest flow and you had milk flying out the sides and downed a 5 oz. bottle in nearly five minutes. i wasn't comfortable with the idea of that much milk entering your tiny tummy that quickly so i did some research and asked advice from other mommas. with some trial and error we have found the dr. browns bottles with the premie flow work best. it takes you the same amount of time to finish your bottle as it does when you nurse, and not nearly as much milk comes out the sides while you're eating. we have incorporated a nightly feeding from daddy to help familiarize you to the bottle feeding. daddy likes the bonding time and mommy likes the "freedom" it allows.
i spend most of our days talking to you, telling you what i'm doing as i'm doing it, sometimes we even dance around the house listening to music while you're in your carrier. other times we sit in silence and i just savor all your tiny features and soft skin, listening to you breath while you sleep snuggled on me.
just a little gab sesh with nessie.
you had your first "play date" this month with one of mommy's childhood friend's son. it was so neat to see you react to another baby!
i had my first mommy fearful moment this month when you had your first allergic reaction. nan was with us at a doctor appointment for mommy, when we noticed your eye was swelling shut while nan was holding you. i panicked. we called your pediatrician and had to wait for an appointment an hour from the time i called, but surprisingly during that hour wait, your swelling went down. nan and i were trying to think back to what could have caused it, and thought it may have been perfume. once at your pediatrician, they told us it was most likely contact dermatitis (skin allergic reaction) and could have been anything. it didn't show up again until we got home and nan was holding you again. we found the culprit. it's nan! just kidding! nan wore a new perfume that day and it must have been irritating to your skin, because every time you laid your head on her shoulder it happened. nan left the house that afternoon in tears almost because she felt so bad. we reassured her you were okay, but that she couldn't wear that perfume around you ever again! needless to say, she threw it out that night and you haven't had a reaction like that since!
you love lying on your back taking in all the new sights while kicking your legs around and talking. we've tried some baby/mommy yoga at home and you love to have your legs and arms stretched. you never tire being carried around in your moby/ergo/ring sling. as i mentioned earlier, you have some rough bouts in the car, i think you find the car seat too confining for your squirmy self, and you hate hats/sweatshirt hoodies because they seem to always fall down over your eyes, making you seriously upset–i don't blame you buddy!
i absolutely melt when i watch daddy with you. you look at him and your face lights up each time. daddy has mastered the diaper change game and bounces you like a grasshopper when you are fussy.
you make everything in life so much sweeter, baby boy. even when it's 2 a.m. and i'm exhausted, you make it all worth it–i'll rock you back to sleep, kiss you on your cheek and you will smile while your dreaming. enough to make anyone wake up at 2 a.m. for!
i hold onto all the special moments we have during our time at home. i can't imagine not being here for every moment of your day, so for that reason, i made the decision, with daddy's support, to stay home with you and not return to work. eventually i plan to return to my compensated career life (since we all know being a stay at home mommy IS a career in itself) doing something part time, but for now i am savoring you!
weight: 11.8 lbs.
height: 23.75 inches
physical appearance: you have filled out since birth, not so squishy face and your cheeks are getting chubby. but that doesn't mean you are chubby! you are still long and lean! by the end of this month, most people say you look more like me. i still see more of daddy though! during your bath time one night this month, daddy discovered you have the same birthmark as him, just below your left nipple. kind of clarifies to me you're daddy's clone!
diapers: diaper changes remained pretty much the same as they were by the end of month one. although the newborns are getting a bit snug, so we most likely will move to size ones by next month!
clothing: it's hard to believe the newborn onesies that were too big on you when you came home from the hospital are getting too tiny for you now. i swear i try squishing you into these, because i am just in denial my itty bitty baby is getting so big!
sleep: your sleep patterns have found a steady routine for the night time, but not much for the day time. during the night you are up asleep by 9:30 p.m., up again at 12 or 1 a.m., then asleep until 3 a.m., but up again at 6 a.m. after the 6 a.m. wake up, we head back to sleep and snuggle with you on my chest.
feeding: a champion feeder is what you are! i am so happy despite our struggles in the beginning, you and i have become pros at it now! you are fed on demand, but it pretty much ends up being every 2.5 to 3 hours. you usually fall asleep while feeding, and have started pacifying towards the end and not really eating. for this reason, we tried giving you a paci, and you take it sometimes, but more times than none, you spit it out.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
IT'S A BOY: THE GENDER REVEAL
andy and i were planning a unique way to share the gender of our baby since the day we found out we were expecting. originally we planned to find out the gender in front of our friends and family, but decided this was a once in a lifetime moment and something he and i should share together, on our own. so, at 18 weeks we went to an ultrasound center to find out our little one's gender. we were so excited and had a pretty strong feeling since our first ultrasound that it was a boy. in the first minute the gender popped up on the screen and the tech exclaimed, "it's a boy!" immediately my heart just felt so full, a little mini andy! i cried and laughed with happiness at how exciting this was, and turned to andy and said, "crosley." and andy responded with, "are you sure? we still have a lot of time to name him!" but the moment i saw him on the ultrasound it was like he already had a name, and i just knew it was crosley.
we had to keep the news in for another week until our planned gender reveal party with our closest family and friends. my mom hosted it at her house and it was a crisp fall day--my favorite! we had everyone choose a pin when they arrived, either a pink bow or blue mustache.
the majority vote was boy, but everyone was still surprised and excited when the gender was finally revealed. we had cupcakes made by a local bakery and only filled one cupcake with a cream filling in the color of the gender--totally caught everyone off guard when they bit in, hoping to find the gender in their first bite! my friend lauren got the lucky cupcake and jumped with excitement when she saw the blue filling, yelling "it's a boy!"
immediately following the gender reveal, andy and i also revealed his name, crosley james. i won't forget my brother in law's response to the name, "this isn't a definite name yet right? we still have time to change it?" oh vito, you always have a way of making us smile! no other name would fit this little boy.
we had to keep the news in for another week until our planned gender reveal party with our closest family and friends. my mom hosted it at her house and it was a crisp fall day--my favorite! we had everyone choose a pin when they arrived, either a pink bow or blue mustache.
the majority vote was boy, but everyone was still surprised and excited when the gender was finally revealed. we had cupcakes made by a local bakery and only filled one cupcake with a cream filling in the color of the gender--totally caught everyone off guard when they bit in, hoping to find the gender in their first bite! my friend lauren got the lucky cupcake and jumped with excitement when she saw the blue filling, yelling "it's a boy!"
immediately following the gender reveal, andy and i also revealed his name, crosley james. i won't forget my brother in law's response to the name, "this isn't a definite name yet right? we still have time to change it?" oh vito, you always have a way of making us smile! no other name would fit this little boy.
Friday, May 1, 2015
CROSLEY'S BIRTH STORY: DELIVERY
pushing started out feeling like an endless job with nothing to show for how hard i was working. i couldn't seem to get the breathing sequence down for pushing. taking a deep breath in, holding it while you curl into a ball, and push seemed impossible for me to manage. so, i let all the air out while i pushed. oops.
andy stayed by my side, just kissing my head, hugging me, praising me for my strength. in reality, i could have never done it without him. from the day i met him, he has been my rock. together we have made it through many milestones, obstacles, challenges and triumphs, but nothing compares to the success we shared in the creation and birth of our greatest accomplishment, our son. my love grew tenfold that day for this man of my dreams. and it's all because of the love we share for our baby.
i am so thankful for the support and presence of both my mom and sister as well. it is a memory i know neither of them will forget and it makes me smile to know i was able to share this with them.
a handful of reasons came into play for my lack of motivation to give it my all and push.
1.) i was terrified, so so so tired and every time i held my breath and pushed, i swore my head would explode. 2.) the baby was in his usual spot, on my left for the first 30 minutes, so every time i would bear down to push, i felt his whole body crush my ribs on the left. we tried pushing while i layed on my right side to get him to fall more into the middle. it took awhile, but he repositioned and i felt relief in my ribs. 3.) i was pushing for an hour while continually hearing my sister and bethany say, "i see him, his head is right there!" but that was it, they just kept saying that, but there was no progress that i could feel. i swore to them all he was stuck. i screamed over and over that he was "coming out of my butthole, he isn't coming out the right way, he is stuck!" the pressure was like nothing i have ever felt. and every time i rested in between pushes i felt like he would explode out the wrong hole. (my apologies for tmi)
bethany could tell i was lacking motivation so she called gae to see if she could come give me a little extra confidence. i took a break from pushing and the first thing i thought to do was make sure andy was okay. i had looked over at him during moments of pushing and his face was in his arms. i didn't know it at the time, but he later told me he was in tears and didn't want me to see because he couldn't bear to watch me go through anymore pain. he hid it really well because when i asked him if he was okay, he stayed strong and just responded calmly that he was fine and i was doing so well, to keep strong.
after checking on andy, i apologized to everyone in the room for being so vocal and loud. i didn't feel like i had control over what my body was doing and i didn't want anyone to get upset with what was happening, watching me stuggle. i wanted to be strong for everyone.
i felt the urge to push and decided to start up again. i gave a few big pushes and the baby's head started surfacing more. bethany announced what had happened and my mom, excited for what was going to come, jumped up to look. well i guess i got offended by her staring at my lady parts and i quickly lashed out, "mom, can you not?!" this was one of only two times i got angry without control during my labor and delivery. the other came not long after the first, when i freaked out on my sister for holding my leg to close to my head. i was at my breaking point i suppose.
gae couldn't have entered at a better time. she walked in and asked what was going on. i replied in tears, feeling defeated that i couldn't do it. she bluntly replied back, "well, i'm not going to get this baby out, you have to do it. and you will. now let go of your husband's hand, grab your legs and push!" i didn't want to let go of andy's hand, but he never let me go, he held my head up supporting my efforts to bear down and push. it wasn't 10 minutes into gae being in the room that she started to put her delivery gear on. in between a push i asked if he was coming and she responded with, "i don't put these on for no reason!" that was the motivation i needed.
the next several pushes i gave it my all. i screamed louder than i have in my life, yelling for gae to "stretch me and get him out now!" and in a blurry mater of seconds i felt his head make it through. i needed to stop so they could clear his airways of any fluids or meconium. then i pushed one last time and his body came flying out. immediately i ripped my gown off so my chest was bear and yelled for them to put him on me. but i instinctively reached down between my legs and grabbed him, placing him on my chest myself.
the exact moment i finally met my little boy.
he was screaming until his warm, tiny body laid down on me, our eyes met and he smiled. i kissed him, crying with so much love and reached for andy, who was just as much of a crying mess as i was, and he came to kiss him. this was a moment i could live, stuck in forever.
our family. the three of us.
after 16 hours of labor, 1.5 hours of pushing, it was now 9:28 am on march 5. there was so much happening in the room, but for me, it was just the three of us. my little family. myself, andy and our perfect, healthy baby boy, crosley james mattrick.
after our delayed cord clamping was complete, andy cut the cord and crosley was taken across the room to be checked for meconium inhalation, weighed and measured. he scored an almost perfect apgar score, weighed 7.3 lbs and measured 19.5 inches. much smaller than any of us expected, but healthy as could be.
andy stayed by my side, just kissing my head, hugging me, praising me for my strength. in reality, i could have never done it without him. from the day i met him, he has been my rock. together we have made it through many milestones, obstacles, challenges and triumphs, but nothing compares to the success we shared in the creation and birth of our greatest accomplishment, our son. my love grew tenfold that day for this man of my dreams. and it's all because of the love we share for our baby.
i am so thankful for the support and presence of both my mom and sister as well. it is a memory i know neither of them will forget and it makes me smile to know i was able to share this with them.
CROSLEY'S BIRTH STORY: ACTIVE LABOR
the labor and delivery room (room 9, andy's favorite number) was much more comfortable and accommodating than it felt on our hospital tour a few weeks earlier. when we got to the room, andy left me with my sister so he could run to the car and grab our bags. i had a laboring bag, filled with items i felt would be useful during labor, turns out all i needed was my support team, the bath tub and a whole lot of mental strength.
by 8 am, bethany asked if i was ready to start pushing. i was taken back when she asked, i mean i thought you just pushed and didn't need to be instructed to start at a certain moment, right? she said that pushing can take a while, sometimes up to four hours for first time moms. uh, no thank you! i told her i wasn't going to let that happen. so, i grabbed andy's hand and prepared myself the best I could. when i felt the pressure of a contraction i let them know i was going to push.
not long after getting settled in our room, my mom arrived with my step-dad. because i was so vocal during my contractions, i was concerned they were going to be worried about me and the pain i was enduring, so i kept apologizing, something i did pretty frequently throughout the entire labor and delivery process.
the snow was falling and the roads were getting bad, so my mom ended up being the only other person to be at the hospital for the labor and delivery, since my step-dad was able to drop her off before he had to go to work and plow snow for the rest of the night. my original plan was to only have andy and my sister with me in the room for labor and delivery, but since my mom would be alone in the waiting room for who knew how long, she stayed in the room. my original plan didn't include my mom because i didn't want her to show any emotion, be scared, worried, etc. and me see it on her face. however, she did well, and honestly i didn't realize she was in the room the whole time. my focus was else where i guess!
andy and i, right after a contraction, before jumping in the tub.
as i continued to battle the back labor, our nurse suggested getting in the bath tub and put the jets on to help with the pain. boy, was she spot on. sitting in the tub was definitely my saving grace. andy sat in the tub with me on a seat that folded down behind me. from the time we got to our room up until four hours later, he sat in the steamy room as i clenched his hands and cried during the contractions, encouraging me through each and every one. the poor guy was drenched in sweat since he was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt the whole time.
we took a break at about 4 am from the tub, so gae could check my progress again. i was now 7 cm. but the minute i was out of the tub the contractions felt more intense, so after my exam, i jumped right back in the tub.
i sat in the tub for only a few more minutes before the pain just became too much. with hesitation and fear, i suggested getting an epidural to andy, my sister and my nurse. i wanted to do it as natural as possible, but the more intense the contractions became, the closer they were together, i just felt more and more exhausted. i knew i needed a little rest to get through pushing, so an epidural just felt like the right decision.
to get the epidural, i would need to get out of the tub and start on an iv, which meant no relief for about 15 minutes until the epidural could be done. it felt like an E T E R N I T Y. with each contraction i yelled for andy to "squeeze me!" he did his job so well!
i was so afraid of the epidural, so when the time came to finally get it, i cried and squeezed my nurse's and andy's hands while my sister and mom stood close by for support as well. the anesthesiologist wasn't the friendliest guy on the planet, so he didn't really make me feel at ease about getting a giant needle put in my spine. i asked him to tell me when he was going to place it, but he ignored my request and did it without warning, making me jump. once it was placed, i waited for the strange feeling of numbness to begin.
it wasn't too long and my contractions became more and more faint. then my left leg was jello. but my right leg was unfazed. since i couldn't feel the pain of the contractions anymore, it wasn't a huge deal in the big scheme of things. i finally had a little relief. and so did my support team.
because andy was so exhausted, i told him to lay down for a little. it wasn't long till both he and my mom were dozing off. my sister stayed awake with me, since i didn't want to be entirely alone and needed someone close by me at all times. i knew i should get a little sleep myself, but i just couldn't knowing i would meet my baby soon. so, my sister turned the tv on for me. and when she asked what i wanted on, you know i said disney channel without skipping a beat. and it was awesome, even stevens was on and it made me relax and not think about the pushing part i knew would be coming soon.
at about 6 am my nurse and gae came in to check my progress again. i knew i had to be close to fully dialated because the contractions were big and closer together. and even though i couldn't feel the pain, i could slightly feel them happening each time. i was at almost 10 cm, and since my water hadn't broken yet, gae decided to do it for me. when it broke, they noticed a little meconium. something they assured me was okay and happens pretty often. i didn't think any more about it because they promised the baby was safe.
i started to shiver and chatter my teeth. i kept asking what was wrong with me because i couldn't control it! what i found out was this was my body's natural response to the transition stage. it was preparing itself for delivery.
by 7:15 am my beloved nurse, lynn, was finished with her shift. i was so sad she wouldn't be there for the delivery, but the next nurse to come was my sister's friend and ex-cowoker at the hospital, bethany. it was nice to have someone my sister knew in the room, it made me feel safer and well looked after.
i hadn't gone to the restroom to empty my bladder since long before my epidural, and i was starting to feel pressure, so amber gave me a catheter to empty it for me. i filled up a whole bag, and felt a whole lot better.
my sister and i (above) and my mom and i (below) around 7:15 a.m.
by 8 am, bethany asked if i was ready to start pushing. i was taken back when she asked, i mean i thought you just pushed and didn't need to be instructed to start at a certain moment, right? she said that pushing can take a while, sometimes up to four hours for first time moms. uh, no thank you! i told her i wasn't going to let that happen. so, i grabbed andy's hand and prepared myself the best I could. when i felt the pressure of a contraction i let them know i was going to push.
bethany had my left leg, my sister had my right, andy held my hand and stayed near my head and my mom stayed alert and ready to take pictures.
CROSLEY'S BIRTH STORY: EARLY LABOR
one of my last belly photos at 39 weeks, i was down to one pair of pants that fit!
andy picked me up for our 12 o'clock, 40 week appointment with dr. delrosario (aka dr. del), a doctor we had never had before. the past 40 weeks were so fun having these appointments to look forward to sharing with andy. one of my favorite memories from my pregnancy for sure. after introducing himself, dr. del began the check up with listening to our baby boy's heart beat–music to our ears at every appointment. then he took my belly measurement and began the internal exam to check my progress. the most painful exam of them all! i didn't know it at the time, but my membranes had been scraped during the exam, the culprit of the pain and discomfort. also the culprit that sent me into labor, but we will get to that later!
once the exam was complete, andy and i were informed i was 2 cm dilated, almost 100% effaced and at 0 station. because we liked dr. del, andy and i asked him when he would be at the hospital (our usual question for the doctors/midwives that we saw each week that we hoped would deliver our son). dr. del's response caught us off guard when he said, "i'll be there tonight and saturday. but i won't be delivering your son. i am very confident you will have this baby tomorrow. i may be the one to do his circumcision on saturday, but i won't be delivering him." uhh, what?!
in shock, we thanked him as he left the exam room. i immediately started crying. i was overwhelmed. how was it possible that i woke up that morning feeling like i was going to be pregnant forever, to only a few short hours later being told our baby would be here in 24 hours. it was a lot to process, but i mean the whole idea of a baby growing inside of me was a lot to process–it nearly took me 9 months to get used to the idea of it and now i loved it. i wasn't ready for it to be over just yet. but at the same time i couldn't wait to hold our baby in my arms. finally.
andy hugged me and assured me it would all be okay. i was afraid of labor and really wasn't mentally prepared for it yet. the unknown is always scary and labor and delivery is one of those unknowns that you already know won't feel good and will most likely involve some sort of pain and hard work. my mind was racing and i needed distractions.
so, once we left and got into the car, we called my mom and sister and told them the latest update. andy asked if i wanted to stop and get lunch or needed anything, and all i could think of is how for the last week i really wanted to buy a new spring wreath for our front door. so, to michael's we went to buy a new wreath. while walking around the store, looking for the perfect spring wreath, i started to feel really uncomfortable and crampy. i found a wreath and was ready to get back home.
andy had to get back to work to wrap up some things, but was coming home in about an hour to spend the rest of the day and evening with me. to keep my mind distracted yet again, i started baking and cooking. i made andy cookies and cooked breaded chicken breasts and rice for dinner. my mind was distracted for the time during andy's absence, but not for long.
when andy got back home, i was starting to feel even more uncomfortable and crampy. i knew i needed to prepare myself, because if dr. del was accurate in his prediction, i would need to be well rested, hydrated and fueled for labor and delivery the next day. so i grabbed my beloved water bucket (the "troft," as andy calls it, i drank from throughout pregnancy to stay super hydrated everyday) and tried to relax on the couch and take a nap.
i couldn't sleep, because my discomfort started to intensify. at the time i wasn't sure if it was from the exam or if it was the onset of contractions, so i tried to stay calm and watch some tv on the couch with andy. around 6 pm, my mom stopped by with my step-dad to drop off a plate of eggplant parmesan she had made the night before. only minutes after they arrived i felt my first contraction. it was long and i just knew it was the real thing.
we began to time the contractions, which had a pattern of coming on every 5 - 8 minutes and lasted for 60 seconds each time. i knew i needed to get a good meal in so i ate the chicken and rice i had cooked earlier, but i could barely eat with the increase in contractions.
i thought maybe a warm shower might feel good, so after dinner i took one to get ready for bed. once i climbed in bed, the contractions intensified to the point of not being able to talk through them. it was then that i said to andy that we might need to go to the hospital. andy suggested i call our ob's office to double check with them first, and once i reached someone at the hospital (during office after hours you are directed to the hospital), another contraction started. i had to ask the woman on the phone to please wait a minute while i made it through the contraction. once i got back to her on the phone, without hesitation she told us to come in.
it was about 9 p.m. at this point, and andy jumped into his supportive birth partner role immediately. i dried my hair while andy gathered our bags (which i might add had been packed since 32 weeks, andy had a few things to gather in his last minute...no big surprise there!) and packed the car. we put winslow in his crate and made our way to the car. we had a plan set with my aunt to take winslow to the kennel in the morning, and i cried knowing i wouldn't see him for at least a week, he is my first baby after all!
as we made our way to the hospital, i held andy's hand, thinking of the reality of this all...we could be on our way to meet our baby. such a surreal realization.
we weren't sure if this was going to be the real deal or a false alarm, so we made calls to our parents and siblings only, and said we would update them if we get admitted. the weather forecast was calling for the biggest snow fall of the winter to begin that night, so we didn't want anyone driving when it wouldn't be necessary.
when we arrived, andy walked me into the emergency room, but had to run back out to our car to park it, so i was wheeled up to the labor and delivery floor without him. i pretty much cried the whole way there until andy was back at my side. we were taken to a room to be examined to find out my progress and look at mine and the baby's vitals. my contractions were all in my back, so having to lay in bed was not easy.
our nurse, lynn, was as sweet as can be, an older woman who was welsh, and very much reminded me of my mother in law. as we waited for the midwife, gae rumor, my sister arrived but was not allowed to come back to the room with us. gae came to perform one of many progress internal exams. we were shocked and i was disappointed when she informed us i was 2 cm, 90% effaced and -2 station. for those who aren't familiar with this lingo, basically my progress from earlier that day had reversed and moved backwards. my contractions were so intense i couldn't imagine going home, but if i didn't progress in the next two hours when gae would come back to check me at midnight, i would not be far enough along to be admitted.
i did not want that to be my fate, so andy, my sister and i made our way to the halls. i walked, did lunges and squats, anything to make my progress move further along. i was in a hospital gown with a sheet wrapped around my back to hide my bum, moaning my way through the pain. the only relief i had during the contractions was when andy squeezed my hips, to take the pressure off of my back. when i felt a contraction coming i would yell, "squeeze me!"
at midnight andy and i made our way back to my exam room. our nurse came back shortly after we returned, and i broke down. i told her i was a failure and if i was sent home i just didn't know what i would do. with every contraction i would take big deep breaths in and moan incredibly loud with every breath out. the intensity just kept growing with each contraction, i needed motivation, good news to keep me going. so when gae finally checked me and told us i was 5 cm and i was going to be having a baby, i just burst into tears of relief. andy kissed my head and just continued to encourage me, telling me how proud he was of me. i was brought a wheelchair again and transported to my own room.
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